En av mina favoritkomiker heter Stephen Wright och i hela sin framtoning uppfattas han som en en riktig dysterkvist. Detta gör hans framträdanden extra dråpliga då han kombinerar denna dysterhet med underfundiga reflektioner över livets små egenheter.
Jag hittade några citat från honom ur hans repertoarer genom åren och jag presenterar dessa i hans modersmål engelska, för att bibehålla den autentiska komiken.
- I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
- Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me.
- When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from a guy in France who said, "Cut it out!"
- I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."
- I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."
- I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, "I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today." I said "Oops..."
- I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
- I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
- I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
- I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
- Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
- I'm taking La maze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.
- When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"
- I went for a walk last night and my girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."
- My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides.
- There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
- I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
- I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
- Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
- Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
Jag hittade några citat från honom ur hans repertoarer genom åren och jag presenterar dessa i hans modersmål engelska, för att bibehålla den autentiska komiken.
- I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the place.
- Last week, I went to a furniture store to look for a decaffeinated coffee table. They couldn't help me.
- When I get real bored, I like to drive downtown and get a great parking spot, then sit in my car and count how many people ask if I'm leaving.
- For my birthday I got a humidifier and a dehumidifier. I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.
- I have a switch in my apartment that doesn't do anything. Every once in a while I turn it on and off. One day I got a call from a guy in France who said, "Cut it out!"
- I wrote a song, but I can't read music. Every time I hear a new song on the radio, I think "Hey, maybe I wrote that."
- I got my driver's license photo taken out of focus on purpose. Now when I get pulled over the cop looks at it (moving it nearer and farther, trying to see it clearly)... and says, "Here, you can go."
- I turned my air conditioner the other way around, and it got cold out. The weatherman said, "I don't understand it. It was supposed to be 80 degrees out today." I said "Oops..."
- I put contact lenses in my dog's eyes. They had little pictures of cats on them. Then I took one out and he ran around in circles.
- I spilled Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
- I put instant coffee in a microwave and almost went back in time.
- I have a hobby. I have the world's largest collection of sea shells. I keep it scattered on beaches all over the world. Maybe you've seen some of it.
- I Xeroxed a mirror. Now I have an extra Xerox machine.
- Last week I forgot how to ride a bicycle.
- I'm taking La maze classes. I'm not having a baby, I'm just having trouble breathing.
- When I was in high school, I got in trouble with my girlfriend's Dad. He said, "I want my daughter back by 8:15." I said, "The middle of August? Cool!"
- I went for a walk last night and my girlfriend asked me how long I was going to be gone. I said, "The whole time."
- My buddy got busted for counterfeiting. He was making pennies. They caught him because he was putting the heads and tails on the wrong sides.
- There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.
- How much deeper would the ocean be if sponges didn't live there?
- I remember when the candle shop burned down. Everyone stood around singing "Happy Birthday".
- I got stopped by a cop the other day. He said, "Why'd you run that stop sign?" I said, "Because I don't believe everything I read."
- Ballerinas are always on their toes. Why don't they just get taller ballerinas?
- Why in a country of free speech, are there phone bills?
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